Friday, March 1, 2013

No Sick Days for Mothers

This week, I have decided the thing I miss most about paid employment?

Sick leave.

As a nurse, the decision to call in sick was never easy. It meant some overworked colleague would have to pick up the slack, or patient appointments cancelled or longer hours catching up on a another day. But, when necessary, one could leave the children in the care of that work day babysitter and REST.

Stay at home moms have no such luxury. Which means everyone is recovering from this respiratory viral beast that has taken over our home. Except me.

Do I sound like I am whining?

Good.

I am grumpy.

Here are my tips for entertaining extremely hyper children when you are so ill you want to die.

1. Play Salon. Mom sits on the couch while The Kindergartner combs her hair repetitively. Stop when Mom's scalp begins to bleed from the purple plastic Barbie brush, or before you are down to the last three remaining hairs on your head.

2. Play Doctor. Mom gets on the floor and pretends to be semi-conscious, moaning occasionally, while the children try to find what mystery ailment is causing the symptoms. Offering a box of bandaids for liberal application will greatly increase the amount of time you get to lay on the floor, but can cause some cosmetic inconveniences when you later have to remove them from your eyebrows.

3. Play Pet Shop.  Pretend you are adopting a puppy. Then play pretend fetch. Over and over again. The Kindergartener "fetched" thirty two consecutive times.

Yes, I counted.

I was trying to keep myself awake.

At least I had the good sense to roast a chicken and make a big pot of bone broth a couple days ago.  So I got the chicken soup covered.

Cough, sniffle, sigh.

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